Sometimes divorce is the only solution when couples fail to resolve serious problems. In many cases kids are involved, and they become innocent victims of their parent’s inability to get along. If a couple cannot resolve their problems, staying together for the children will not help anyone. Kids can be profoundly and negatively affected long after the separation, especially when divorced parents relentlessly fought. Communication between physically and emotionally separated individuals becomes more important than ever after one household becomes two. If the adults make a conscious effort to get along, they can set aside all of their differences for the sake of the kids. It is often much easier to accomplish when living in separate homes.
The Benefits of Joint Custody
A polite exchange of ideas between fathers and mothers is essential to a child’s emotional well-being and sense of security. Parents who share joint custody both have a say in matters concerning the kids, and it is a legal arrangement that can be highly beneficial to everyone involved. Although you might not agree in every issue, it is in the best interest of the children to discuss important matters regarding the care of the children. Kids sometimes try to manipulate both parents in order to get what they want, but good communication will help to alleviate the problem. When divorced parents regularly consult each other in matters involving the children, the kids will eventually learn that if one parent says no, than the other will not go against their wishes without discussing the matter first.
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How Divorced Parents Should Plan Visitation
Always make visitation plans by talking directly with your ex rather than sending messages via the children. Relaying messages is not their job. They should never be put in the middle. If your ideas and plans are not acceptable to your ex, the kids will be in the center of a dispute that they never should have been involved in to begin with. Speak to your ex without involving the children, and do it out of hearing range of nosy listeners. Keep in mind that kids are notorious for trying to overhear conversations. Good communication between divorced parents includes making all arrangements and plans without using the children as messengers or pawns. Using innocent bystanders is despicable behavior, and it is not okay under any circumstance.
Rules differ from family to family, and divorced parents should never expect the rules in the other parent’s household to correspond with theirs. In some cases, the other parent will not say no. When the weekend parent wants to be Mr. or Ms. Fun, it can be a real problem for everyone. It is the kids that ultimately suffer, even if they do not see it that way.
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For example, if bedtime in your home is typically at 10:00 p.m. on weekends but your ex allows the children to stay up, good communication can help put an end to the problem before it becomes a more serious matter. If the kids have trouble getting back on schedule as a result of staying up too late, discuss your concerns politely and calmly. Explain why it is detrimental to their well-being without speaking in a condescending manner. Hopefully your ex will realize that a specific bedtime is in their best interest. A parent can still be fun without loosening the reigns too much.
Even if you could not agree on anything while married, you can work together to make life happy and stable for the kids. Many divorced parents get along better than ever when they no longer live under the same roof. Maintain an appropriate level of courtesy, and keep your personal differences out of the situation at all times. Verbally bashing your ex in front of the kids will not turn them against him or her. However, it will permanently and adversely change who they are as individuals.
Kim Dalessandro, http://writedge.com/author/kim-dalessandro/, is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com and any other website that may be affiliated with Amazon Service LLC Associates Program.