Grudges can be held a long time or short-term. But when people grow out of grudges, well, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Will a person reach a point in his or her life when they decide a holding a grudge is not worth the time or effort invested? Maybe, maybe not. It often depends upon the individual situation.
There are those people who realize at an early age that holding onto grudges is not worth the energy. On the other hand, there are those who are simply just people who don’t grow out of grudges and sometimes this spans an entire lifetime. Others thrive and get energy through the fuel a grudge might provide. This further enables them to hold onto the grudge.
Whether or not people grow out of grudges is subjective. Although, you can look at the qualities of those people who hold grudges and compare with those who find it easier to forgive.
Is the Person a Grudge Holder?
Most people are likely to realize at some point over the course of time nothing positive typically ever emerges from harboring feelings of resentment for long periods of time. This is a good first step, however, the bigger challenge after coming to this realization is finding a way to effectively let go of bitterness. That can be hard, depending upon what caused the resentment in the first place.
When these grudges blossom and become firmly entrenched as a part of a person’s personality makeup, sometimes resentments often become a part of the identity of the grudge holder. The person who can’t seem to let go of the anger will find the daily harboring of resentment as a part of what motivates them throughout their daily living. If the grudge were to suddenly be released, it is possible he or she wouldn’t know what to do with his or herself because life loses its focus. For without this grudge, there is no focal point.
Grudge holders may realize holding onto bitterness is not healthy and see that unresolved anger mostly results in deeper anger. This is especially true if the grudge isn’t bringing the result they hope to achieve by holding it, because if the other party isn’t responding in kind, this only often fuels inner fury, perpetuating the situation.
Can the Person Easily Offer Forgiveness?
People who come to the realization that grudges can result in internal chaos, disruption in their personal lives and are unconstructive, typically find ways to let go. They don’t allow themselves to be fueled by anger nor do they thrive under circumstances when they come into conflict.
Instead, the forgiver finds ways to absolve wrongdoing or feelings of injustice and moves forward without putting too much focus on looking back. While they may not forget, they do forgive and don’t allow themselves to be ruled by grudges. Those who are able to let go of grudges don’t allow the person they feel wronged them have “rent free” space in their head. Instead they save that room for feelings that are emotionally lucrative and yield positive results and happiness.
One thing certain is that as most people age they eventually discover that in the scope of things life is relatively short and time is precious. It is not uncommon for a people to reach this stage of realization in their lives after an unfortunate event occurs. It is only at this time the grudge holder finally decides to let loose the closely held bitterness and allow it to go free. As a result, he or she sets him or herself free as well.
So do people outgrow grudges? Most of us probably do, but there are those who never will learn how to use the tools we are innately given to be able to let go.
Leigh has been writing on the web since 2007. She has a high interest in business, tech, higher education, and Washington D.C. and Northern Virginia travel, but loves to write about a variety of topics. In addition to writing on Writedge, she also runs a blog about the Washington DC Metro Area and a photography blog Photos by Leigh Goessl.